


How To Get The Girl (And Not Die Trying)

by Partyonsaturn



Category: Twelve Forever (Cartoon)
Genre: Contains some spoilers!, Man tagging this is hard the fandom is so fresh, Multi, there are like no preexisting tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-08-13 23:28:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20182486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Partyonsaturn/pseuds/Partyonsaturn
Summary: Big Deal hadn’t gone into this thinking he would actually be good enough for Ma’am. Now that he has more freedom to go outside, he runs into his old friends who only  want to see him happy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> //Slaps this on the table and cries
> 
> This is my contribution to the buttdeal fandom and I’m sticking to it
> 
> Title is a work in progress bc I couldn’t think of anything else, if something better comes to me I might change it.

Relationships on Endless weren’t unheard of. Of course, most of them were platonic, but a lot of islanders had committed romantic relationships. Mack and Beefhouse were the first to come to anyone’s mind when asked for an example of a healthy relationship. The way they communicated, or the way they looked at each other, anyone on Endless could see it. They were really and truly in love, and Big Deal wouldn’t of been able to deny how jealous he was even if he tried.

His mistress, amazing as she was, had her flaws. Communication was at the top of the (short) list, and turning into a monster and almost destroying Endless was a close second. He couldn’t get a sentence out of her about her feelings for the life of him. All she wanted was to eradicate Twelve and her friends, though since her big defeat she had been hesitant to even leave their lair, despite the effects of the crystal that Twelve had shot her with only being temporary. Big Deal didn’t exactly support the idea of harming them; but how could he not follow her? In the brief time they had known each other she had quickly become his world and pleasing her was his only goal. But sometimes... sometimes he wanted a bit more. He was not private about his feelings. He had told her multiple times that he loved her. Even when she wasn’t around he wouldn’t hesitate to speak his mind and support her. He didn’t expect her to go out of her way for him, she was so busy of course, and at the end of the day Big Deal hadn’t gone into this thinking he had an actual chance with her... but he really did love her. She’s amazing. She’s beautiful and passionate and fierce. And he was, well, him.

As of now, Ma’am was watching her TV while Big Deal sat in his cage hanging above. He wasn’t paying full attention to the screen, though his mistress was very invested in the drama story she had switched on. Her pupils were present but her eyes were glazed slightly as she stared at the screen. Big Deal shuffles in his cage, picking through some of the papers that were scattered around. He eventually found his small stash of pictures he had taken over time of him and his mistress being together. While he would have usually kept them obscured while she was in the room with him she seemed too engrossed in what she was watching to care. He shuffled through the pictures, frowning a little. She hadn’t smiled in a single one of them. She always looked irritated. She was still beautiful, but Big Deal wished he could get a better picture of her smile. He continued shifting through pictures, taking his time to look over them, though he didn’t notice as his mistress pause her show.

“Big Deal,” her voice made him startle a little, “I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but shuffling your papers like that is becoming irritating.” Big Deal peeked over the rim of his cage and made eye contact with her. She was frowning at him. “Be quiet or leave until my show is done. You... don’t have to watch it with me if you don’t want to.” With that she turned around dismissively, not waiting for him to answer her.

Nervously, Big Deal stuttered, “U-uhm, okay Ma’am, I don’t want to-to bother you so-“

“You have permission to leave if you’re bored.” She interrupted him. She refused to look at him, her arms crossed as she lay on her side. She huffed a little before turning the TV back on. Without another word, Big Deal used him arms to clumsily fly out of their home.

He wasn’t use to his mistress readily letting him leave whenever. Ever since their seven week anniversary she had been more lenient with allowing him to go off on his own because, in her own words, “maybe it’ll give me more entertainment”. Big Deal had chosen not to mention how her eyes had darted around as she had said this. 

Now that he was outside he wasn’t entirely sure of what to do. Despite having more opportunities to go off on his own he hadn’t really taken it up very often, knowing that ma’am was really the only person he had left on the island. Ever since going away with her he had been too scared to try talking to any other residents. He could take a hint when he wasn’t wanted.

Aimlessly, he wondered around the island for a while, sticking mostly to the concealed area of the jungle. He figured it would be nice to explore around a little, but he’d also rather not risk being seen by anyone when he felt like he was on thin ice with all of them.

After a while (he hadn’t really bothered to track the time) he found himself coming close to the outskirts of the jungle, just on the edge of the beach. It wasn’t very busy at the moment, if anything it was uncharacteristically quiet. Big Deal took a step out of the bushes to take a closer look at ocean. He had always loved the view from here. Taking another cautious look around to make sure he was alone, Big Deal sat himself down and continued to watch the waves as they lapped over each other, the sunlight giving them a glimmer over the surface of the flat water that was further out. This was something he had missed and now that his mistress was more forgiving with him leaving, he might use that new privilege to come here more often. If it was usually so quiet at this time of day he would certainly get use to calmness of the setting.

The calm was suddenly interrupted, however, when a familiar voice suddenly broke the silence.

“Big Deal?” A gentle but masculine voice called out, “is that you?” Big Deal turned around quickly, standing as he did. It had been Beefhouse who had called out to him, Mack at his side. They had been walking towards him from the direction of their home, a picnic basket in Macks hands and a folded blanket thrown over Beefhouses shoulder. Big Deal looked them up and down, expecting them to look at him with disgust and resentment, but all he found was a puzzled expression from Beefhouse and a slight, friendly smile from Mack. “What are you doing out here by yourself?” Beefhouse asked him.

“Uh, well, you see, I-I was just... relaxing. Yeah, just... watching the ocean!” Big Deal managed to speak out, his eyes switching between the couple, the ocean, and the jungle. This was bad. He needed to get away from them before they got mad at him. He needed to go back to ma’am and-

“Oh that’s nice, we were just coming here for a little picnic. Would you care to join us?” Mack smiled down at him, gesturing to the basket. Big Deal paused. This was not what he had expected.

“Oh, um, I shouldn’t, I should be getting back to Ma’am soon.” He shouldn’t of mentioned her. If they weren’t mad before they would be now. He saw the expressions on their faces drop a little when he brought her up, but it was still not as extreme as he had expected.

“Oh, yeah... her.” Mack exchanged a look with Beefhouse. “Listen, we don’t blame you for her actions if that’s what you’re worried about. I won’t say that we support the relationship between you two, but you’re an individual who can make your own choices. As long as you’re happy, we won’t resent you for your relationship.” Mack gave Big Deal an understanding smile. Big Deal was in shock. Despite the things that he and Ma’am had done, they didn’t resent him?

He made a few stuttering noises before finally blurted out, “thank you, but, well, we... we aren’t in a relationship. I just, uh... make her... breakfast sometimes?” Big Deal couldn’t look at them after that. If his mistress were here she’d surely recoil at the suggestion of them being in a relationship, scrunch her nose at them, shout at them, anything to venomously deny it. As much as Big Deal wishes he could say otherwise, for her sake, he’d deny it when she wasn’t here to do so. Mack and Beefhouse, as if silently communicating, began setting up their picnic next to where Big Deal stood.

“Ah, I see how it is,” Beefhouse said as he lay out the blanket. “Well, the invitation to join us still stands, you know, if there’s anything you’d like to talk about with us.” He smiled at Big Deal as he sat down on the blanket and helped Mack lay out some of their food. It looked wonderful; a casserole was the main feature, though it was surrounded by sandwiches, chips with dips and some treats, strawberries with chocolate dipping sauce. Big Deal suddenly became aware of the fact that he hadn’t eaten yet that day.

“Uhm, if it’s really not a bother to you two... I’d like to join you very much!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all I did not expect to actually get feedback for this fic but some of y’all have been so sweet an I’m ???💞💝💗💓💕💘???? Thank u to everyone who has given me kind words! By the way I wrote this between the times of uhhhhh 3am-5am so if there are mistakes I will be editing them later!

As it turned out, things weren’t awkward between Big Deal and the two men at all. The casserole dish had been cleaned out and now they were talking as if nothing bad had ever happened between them. Big Deal smiled as they spoke about this and that, the three of them occasionally picking at the side foods set out on the blanket, before the topic eventually turned to him.

“So, you and... what was her name?” Beefhouse asked, “I believe Twelve named her, um, the Buttwitch?”

“She doesn’t like that name!” Big Deal hadn’t meant to snap, “b-but she hasn’t told me her real name. I usually call her Ma’am.” He quickly composed himself.

Beefhouses understanding nod made him feel better. “I see. Have you ever asked what her name is?”

Big Deal thought for a moment. “Yeah, but, she wasn’t in the best mood when I tried and I... haven’t had the chance since.” He explained. He really had tried to ask, but it hadn’t gone well. When they had first met he had been running after her with her dismembered tail. In pain and still in defence mode, she had snapped her teeth at him any time he tried to ask her a question before she eventually calmed down after he offered her some lavender tea. Despite not being the best at cooking he did make a nice, relaxing cup of tea and even Ma’am had made a brief comment on the pleasant aroma. The moment had passed by then and to be fair, she never asked him for his name. He had introduced himself first. He had assumed she’d introduce herself afterwards, but she never did.

Mack took a sip from his cup of juice, as if giving himself time to think of what to say. “If she hates being called by that name you’d think she’d actually tell people her real name. “ he looked at Big Deal, “Maybe you could talk to her about that? The first step to achieving a truce between her and Twelve might be to get a proper introduction.” Beefhouse nodded at this.

“Being able to put a real name to her face would make her seem less intimidating to the islanders as well.” As he spoke, he had placed a hand over Macks that had been resting on the blanket. It looked like an unconscious action. “I think now that the islanders have stood up to her they might even not be scared at all.” Big Deal nodded. Maybe Ma’am thought the same thing. Maybe that was why she hadn’t left her lair in weeks. He really should be heading back to her soon... she might be wondering what was keeping him.

“Mmm, yeah. Maybe I should, uh, try again.” Big Deal looked away from them, “I wouldn’t want to-to make her uncomfortable though.”

Mack frowned, tilting his head. “Why would she be uncomfortable telling you her name?”

“Oh, you know, I think she would have by now if she wanted to,” Big Deal replied. “Besides, she’s not really, uh, open with anything. Even her name has to be a mystery.” Big Deal looked down. He’d really like to know her name.

“Aw, I’m sure that if anyone should ask it should be you.” Mack smiled, “I don’t want to make assumptions, but you seem like the person she’s closest to. If anyone can find out, it’d be you.” He and Beefhouse were still touching hands. It was sweet. A small gesture that spoke volumes. Big Deal wondered if he would ever be close enough to his mistress to do something like that. It was getting overwhelming to think about, because really, even if he could he wouldn’t trust himself to not mess it up somehow. “You know, Big Deal, it’s okay to be unsure about how to navigate these things.”  
Mack seemed far too aware of his internal thought process. Was that a side effect of being in a loving relationship? Being able to sense the emotional plight of others? Maybe Mack was just a new level of emotionally intelligent or maybe Big Deals eyes were looking left and right as they usually did when he was feeling unsettled or nervous. 

Big Deal took a breath before speaking. “I-I know things don’t always go the way you want them to, but, I don’t know.” He was finally able to look up at Mack. Beefhouse was listening as well, but not joining in the conversation lest Big Deal were to feel crowded. “I just... want her to be happy, and I don’t know if... if I can do that.” One sentence was enough to make Big Deal feel vulnerable in a way he didn’t expect to. He had already come to that conclusion a while ago, but saying it out loud cemented an anxiety in the pit of his stomach that made him wish he hadn’t had a second serving of the casserole.

Mack paused for a moment, mulling over Big Deals words.  
“I understand. It’s hard sometimes, when you care about someone enough that their happiness becomes linked with your own.” Another look was shared between him and Beefhouse as Mack said that. “I know you said she likes to be mysterious, but if you really want to know how to make her happy I think that you need to start a dialogue. I really think that if she were able to have someone to talk to she’d be much less abrasive in general, and I think that you’re the best person to get though to her.”

“Absolutely,” Beefhouse joined in, “You’re the only one around who actually hangs around with her. Intimacy and love language comes in different forms for different people. For all you know, she’s already more open with you than you think she is, but how do you know if you don’t ask?”

Mack put his hands together and smiled down at Big Deal. “If you want, you can come back to our house with us and we can tell you about some of the communication techniques that Doctor Tenders taught us? I think it’s time the two of us start heading home anyway.”  
It was a kind offer, but Big Deal realised once more that he had probably been gone for far too long. If Ma’am hadn’t noticed his extended departure she definitely would of noticed that he wasn’t back to cook dinner. Mack and Beefhouse stood up, Big Deal following suit.

“I, I really appreciate the offer, but Ma’am will be expecting me by now.”

Beefhouse nodded as he began picking up the plates. “Well, the offer is there if you decide you want to pay a visit anytime.” 

“Yeah, the door’s always open for a friend.” Mack concurred as he helped his boyfriend pack away the dishes. Big Deal, not wanting to be rude, pitched in with the clean up effort. 

After good byes were exchanged (and some left over chocolate strawberries put in a container for Big Deal to take home to his mistress), Mack and Beefhouse were on their way. Big Deal stood still for a moment, watching as they walked away, hand in hand. Out of all of the possibilities that he had expected for his venture out this was not one he had thought would happen. He didn’t expect to receive advice from the most loving couple on Endless, and he had especially not expected it to actually make him feel slightly better. Intimacy and love language... he hadn’t considered the possibility that his mistress might of thought of the way she acts to actually be more vulnerable than he had interpreted it. She did often include him in things that she usually did by herself. It had become routine for him to push back her cuticles once a week, despite the fact that she would always comment on how she could of done it better on her own... was that her way of spending time with him?

Before he got too lost in his thoughts, Big Deal began to make the journey home, a slight hop and skip in his step as he hurried, hoping that Ma’am wasn’t too hungry. If she was, the chocolate strawberries would hopefully make a good apology. In his haste to return to his mistress, and maybe start a dialogue as Mack had said to try, he didn’t notice a pair of golden binoculars connected to a wire retreat into the bushes.


	3. Chapter 3

Disbelieving eyes stared at the screen from a luxurious bed as Big Deal bid adieu to his two large friends. Had she really just witnessed that little purple goon gush like that? To allies of Twelve no less? They had given him strawberries to give to her?! Disgusting. She turned over the TV channel and threw the remote on the floor.

“What a hideous display...” she muttered to herself. It wasn’t that she wasn’t aware of how he felt about her. On the contrary, she was annoyingly aware of it. She couldn’t go a day without the doting eyes greeting her, the shrill voice asking if she was doing okay, the cheerful humming that wouldn’t stop if he got too comfortable with his place in her life. The constant care, the fact that he would practice his cooking constantly to make it more to her taste, or that he would run her errands when her arm was broken, pick out board games he thought she might like, even baking her a cake after seven weeks of waiting on her hand and knee. Caring for her when that brat had blasted her with those crystals. Understanding that she was hesitant to try going outside again. It was far too saccharine for her taste. She was fully aware of how he felt. It was the equivalent of an immature schoolyard crush. A passing fancy. She would tell herself this often. He would act like it was love, but she knew better. Obviously. Things like that don’t last.

He’d leave eventually.

Her brows furrowed. She had no doubt that he’d leave. He was only useful for a certain amount of time as her henchman, and once he realised he didn’t have a shot he’d leave, because why would he stay? The silence of her lair offered no answers. The room was still dimly lit, the only light source coming from the static on her TV. The already big room felt even larger without the mindless babble of a cheesy drama on in the background. She quickly switched the TV back over to a channel with better signal, the shopping channel. It was mindless enough for her to hear herself think without the uncomfortable silence. She had never realised how much a quiet room could bother her when she was thinking about something as putrid as Big Deals infatuation with her.

He would be back soon. The frown on her face deepened when she realised she wouldn’t know how to look him the eyes. The pit in her stomach slowly began to bubble into anger, but it was directed at herself rather than Big Deal, only serving to frustrate her more. Looking him in the eye would be easy. She had already known about his feelings. Why was it that now she had heard him say them out loud, to someone who wasn’t her, suddenly making it difficult? It confirmed nothing. It was performative and contrived. Yes, yes that was it. She was uncomfortable due to second hand embarrassment. Watching that was like watching a struggling actor remember his lines. That’s it. It made sense. Though, he didn’t have to remind them not to call her by that tacky nickname... he could of let it slip, but he didn’t. He hadn’t even asked her for her name because he worried about making her uncomfortable. She circled back into anger at herself.

She shouldn’t have watched them. She was the one who chose to watch them, and even though it was obviously Big Deals fault that she was now feeling like this, she was still the one who made a bad decision. She cursed her gossipy side sometimes. 

She rolled over onto her back, still scowling. Still uncomfortable. She did have a name. She supposed that amongst the denizens of Endless her name wasn’t unusual. It still felt odd to say out loud though. Maybe it was a good thing he hadn’t asked again after the first time. It turns out she was uncomfortable. He was emotionally intuitive like that... 

She tutted at herself. She wasn’t about to compliment him. She wasn’t about to validate him like that. 

This was all too much for her. Not today, all she had wanted today was to watch the new episode of her show, as she and Big Deal had made a habit of doing so each week. It really, really wasn’t the day for something like this. She hadn’t even finished the episode before curiosity took ahold of her and she began to spy on them. She couldn’t concentrate on it now, knowing that Big Deal had chosen a picnic over watching her show with her. The nerve. She had recorded it for him and everything. She supposed he’d be home soon. Perhaps he’d still want to watch it. 

Abruptly, her arm shot out, grabbing a pillow and covering her face with it, growling deeply. She didn’t care! She did not care. He could watch it by himself! He could stay outside for all she cared. He could spend the night at the home of those two men he had been with and talk about her like a gossiping maiden. She didn’t care about him or his feelings. Still growling into the pillow, the sudden fluttering of a flying fool caught her attention. She sat up as he landed in his feet, trying to maintain a neutral face. She could still feel her face twisting into a glower. 

“Oh, Ma’am! I wasn’t expecting you to-“

“Quiet,” She snapped. She turned to him, crossing her legs. “So tell me. Why were you gone so long?” 

“Uh, I-I ran into some friends-uh acquaintances and, well,” he looked around nervously before pulling out a Tupperware box. “They had some spare strawberries... if you want them?”

“I see.” She stood up and walked over to him at the entrance of the lair. “How was your little picnic, anyway?”

Big Deal gulped. He probably should of checked the bushes before talking about her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big Deal: I just want Ma’am to be happy :3
> 
> Buttwitch, from the bushes: god I hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me


	4. Chapter 4

One of the things Big Deal loved about his mistress was that she never shouted at him. She’d snap, or growl on a bad day, but she had never shouted or screamed at him. Right now though, he feared that streak might be broken. Despite her calm composure, Big Deal could still feel a bad energy coming off of her right now, and knowing that it was him who caused it was terrifying. It seemed that the strawberries weren’t going to save him from whatever was coming his way.

“Well? Are you going to answer or are you going to stand there with your mouth agape?” She quirked an eyebrow at him, arms crossed. Big Deal looked up at her, not knowing what to say. He doubted that there was a right answer, so all he could do was to be truthful.

“Um, well yeah, I did have fun,” He stammered, “i-it was just a picnic, you know, not much happens with those.” 

She narrowed her eyes at him. She had almost wanted him to lie to her, to say he hadn’t stayed as long as he had, but he didn’t. At least then her anger would be more earned, but getting angry over him talking about her like that, something she had already known, felt cheap.

“And what exactly was said, since nothing much happens on a picnic?” She supposed that getting angry at him for who he had said it to was at least a little more justifiable, as long she was able to get the bubbling feeling in her chest to go away. She had to take it out in something.

“Uhm... you?” Big Deal paused, waiting to see if she would do something. He knew she had been watching them, so she must know what they had spoken about. Was she trying to get him to tattle on himself?

She scoffed at him. “And that’s it? I know you don’t expect me to believe that.”

Big Deal shifted his feet, feeling more uncomfortable by the second. She hadn’t blinked for at least five minutes. 

“We also swapped casserole recipes?” Big Deal couldn’t stop himself from smiling and shrugging awkwardly, trying to relieve some of the tension. His mistress pinched at bridge of her nose, squinting her eyes halfway shut. They were just open enough for him to see that her pupils had been replaced by the full white of her eyes. 

“You’re an imbecile, Big Deal,” she snapped, “talking so candidly with the enemy? About me? Who knows what they’re going to do now... that brat and her gaggle of misfits are sure to hear about this.” She groaned and walked back towards her bed. Big Deal shuffled behind her.

“W-well, I didn’t talk just about you, Ma’am.” He hoped a little to keep up with her. “If it makes you feel better, it was more about me than you!” He chirped. She shot a glare at him.

“Oh I’m fully aware that you couldn’t stop yourself from babbling on about what you think this-“ she gestured between herself and him, “-is, but you didn’t stop to think about fast word travels, did you?” Her pupiless eyes flickered from him to the floor as she sat down on the bed. “Those two... large men. They know Twelve more personally than some others on this island. You made yourself look weak in front of them, and by extension you made me look weak as well!” Big Deal felt guilt in the pit of his stomach starting to bubble. He trusted Mack and Beefhouse to not say anything, but of course Ma’am had no reason to trust them. She had never met them, and what little she did know about them came from her habit of spying on the islanders. 

“M-Ma’am, I’m really sorry about this, but Mack and Beefhouse are nice people! They would never tell Twelve something I told them in confidence!” Big Deal summoned his courage and took a few tentative steps towards her where she sat on the bed, her clawed hands digging into her knees as she stared straight forward, refusing to look at him. “I’m so sorry Ma’am! I never would of spoken to them about us if I knew it would upset you!” 

“There is no us!” Her voice raised, “don’t even suggest it!” Big Deal flinched, dropping the container of strawberries.

“I-I know that! I’m sorry, I-“ 

“Shut up, Big Deal.” She sighed, turning away from him. “Just be quiet. Leave for all I care!” When she finally did look at him the grimace on her face deepened. Big Deal stepped back, upset at her words, but more by the look on her face. She was genuine. Even when she insulted him in the past he had always been able to see through to the slight hint of endearment she held towards him, but now that tolerance was gone. Big Deal didn’t know what to do, and he certainly didn’t want to upset her anymore. She had turned away from him again, her angry eyes locked onto the static that had been playing silently on the TV. Quietly, Big Deal flew up to the exit of the home. Just before leaving, he turned back to her to mutter one last apology, before taking his leave.

Now in an empty room once again, she scoffed to herself under her breath. She was always right. Even when she’s the one doing the pushing, they always leave eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I despise writing conflict bc it hurts, take this before I strangle myself


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *kicks this towards y’all*

Big Deal had tried really hard to not cry as he walked through the jungle of Endless. While he didn’t want to be seen by other islanders in general, being seen while crying seemed even worse. He had failed, and was now openly sniffling as he scuffled his feet along, letting out a heaving noise every once in a while when a sob wrecked his small body. He was starting to understand Ma’am’s resentment towards emotional openness. This felt pathetic, and despite no one being around to see him, he still had the sinking feeling of embarrassment in his stomach. 

He kept going until he found himself once more at the edge of the jungle of Endless, this time more lost than he had ever been in an area that seemed so familiar. He was walking with no destination, letting his legs guide him rather than thinking about his steps. His brain felt too fogged up to actually think about it, instead opting for autopilot as he kept walking until he got to wherever his subconscious was taking him. 

Eventually, after however long he had been stumbling around for, he found himself coming up to a white, open building that was surrounded by sand and plant life. Big Deal, still distraught, just barely recognised it as Mack and Beefhouses home. Without thinking, he scrambled his way over to it, turning a corner to the garden area where the two of them were doing some sort of yoga routine, too invested in it to notice him until he tripped over his own feet, landing on the ground face first. In shock at his sudden appearance, they didn’t run over to him until another loud sob came out of him.

“Oh goodness, are you okay?” Asked Mack, helping Big Deal to his feet as he continued to cry. He mumbled something that sounded like a “no”, but it was hard to understand anything he would of said through his sobs. Once he was standing upright, Mack rubbed his back a little, trying to sooth him. “Come on, lets get you inside.”

Big Deal didn’t really think that stumbling his way to Mack and Beefhouse was the best idea, but he couldn’t bring himself to actually care. Ma’am was already angry with him, and Mack and Beefhouse were the only two islanders who he had been able to connect with since he had left with her. This was his only option and he was really just glad they were an option at all. They lead him inside, through their home gym set-up and through into a minimalistic but homely looking kitchen. He didn’t register how he wound up sitting at the dining table with a mug of hot cocoa in his hands, but he was thankful nonetheless. The warmth was certainly comforting.

Mack and Beefhouse were now sat across from him. Beefhouse was the first to break the silence.

“What exactly happened? Did our dialogue advice not go as planned?” Both he and Mack had looks of guilt on their faces. Big Deal stared into his mug, more interested in the warmth it was providing to his hands than he was in drinking it. He had at least stopped crying, though his face felt uncomfortable due to the now dried tears that trailed down his cheeks.

“Not really... well, we didn’t, or I didn’t, really talk about anything.” He took a sip of his drink. He needed to pause before he said anything else. He had no idea how to express how quickly things had blown up in his face when he got home after such a nice catch up. “She heard, uhm, everything I-I said to you both...” that seemed to get the point across as Macks face dropped and Beefhouse furrowed his eyebrows. 

“How would she of heard?” Asked Beefhouse, the process of wrapping his head around that clear on his face.

“W-well, she has these, they’re like binoculars, but they’re connected to her, uh, TV, so... yeah.” He took another sip when he saw Beefhouses confusion shift. He could tell that Beefhouse was not happy to hear this and he’d rather not experience more shouting for today.

“She spied on us? Is that what you’re saying?” Big Deal could only nod in response.

Mack shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “That’s... horrible.”

“And uncomfortable,” Beefhouse continued, “and paranoia inducing.” He took a deep breath. “Okay, one problem at a time. Why was what you said a problem?”

“I-I, I shouldn’t of said it, she-she thinks you’re...” Big Deal paused to sniffle, “she thinks you’ll go to Twelve. She said that I shouldn’t of showed weakness!” He voice cracked a little. “She said that me being weak is bad for her... I-I already know that she would never... she doesn’t like me. But, she, she said... Oh, I shouldn’t of said anything to you two.”

“Oh, she can’t be serious? I’m sorry, but you said those things in private to us, we’d never say anything you didn’t want us to, even to Twelve.” Mack frowned sadly, hurt by the idea of someone taking him or his boyfriend as the type to gossip about someone like that.

“I know... but she’s, I mean it’s fair, she doesn’t know you two, s-she can’t just trust anyone. I- she, she can’t trust anyone, and now she can’t trust me!” His lip quivered, feeling guilt build up again.

“She’s the one who was spying, she can’t really complain about trust...” Mack muttered, somewhat seriously but in as good of a nature as he could manage in the situation. Big Deal wanted to chuckle but he still felt too weighted down by the events of the day. He wasn’t ready to joke about anything at the moment. 

“You’re right... but-“

“Big Deal, I don’t think you’re the one in the wrong here.” It wasn’t like Beefhouse to interrupt someone like that, but he wasn’t about to let Big Deal blame himself for his mistresses spying habit (which he was definitely going to address at some point...) letting her hear more than she should of. “You said those things in confidence. You said nothing ill of her, you just spoke about your own feelings. Granted, she has the right to her own emotions as well, I won’t ever try to say otherwise, but she shouldn’t of treated you badly for it. You were hysterical when we found you.” He reached over to place a hand gently on Big Deals shoulder. “You don’t deserve that for just wanting to talk about how you felt.” Mack nodded along with Beefhouses words, as if approving them before Beefhouse could even say them. Big Deal just looked down into his half drank hot cocoa, though he had been nursing it so long it was now lukewarm. Beefhouses words made sense. It wasn’t like he had said anything bad. He knew ma’am had already been aware of his feelings. Despite that, the guilt didn’t fade.

“If I may, can I suggest why I think she lashed out at you?” Mack asked, before looking around the room. Big Deal nodded.

“I-I don’t think her binoculars can get inside houses. No, uh, bushes to hide in.” Saying it out loud did make it sound worse than Big Deal had thought it was. Spending so much time with her had made him forget that spying was generally frowned upon.

“Okay... I think she lashed out because she doesn’t understand. I mean, you said yourself that she doesn’t talk about how she feels. It’s like... how can she understand how you feel if she can’t even begin to talk how she feels?” Mack paused, thinking before he offered, “Maybe we should talk to her?” Big Deal chocked on his cocoa.

“O-Oh no, no no, she’d never, that’s a bad idea!” Big Deal coughed out, “n-not that I don’t appreciate the offer, but f-for your sake! Don’t.” 

“It’s worth a try.” Beefhouse said. 

“We know it’ll be difficult, but we have the advice from Doctor Tenders, she’s helped us massively. Maybe having us there to mediate will help settle any situation that might arise.” Macks kind smile was back, the genuine offer hanging in the air. Big Deal really wanted to say yes. But he knew, he just knew, it wouldn’t work. Ma’am would never. He couldn’t even get her to leave their home, let alone go to the house of islanders she didn’t trust to talk about something she had made clear was a sore subject. But... he didn’t exactly have anything to lose. Ma’am had already kicked him out. She wasn’t likely to forgive him. It was up to him to try and fix this and he knew Mack and Beefhouse would at the very least know what they were talking about. 

“Yeah... yeah, maybe it would help...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been feeling very ill the past few weeks and writing this has made me want Mack and Beefhouse to look after me tbh


	6. Chapter 6

The Witch definitely didn’t need Big Deal. She was very confident in her stance on that. No, she was beyond confident. However, as she stared into the cupboards of her kitchen only to see that she was out of simple food items like bread or cereal, she was wishing that she actually knew how to cook. She could make toast just fine, but her ability in the kitchen stopped there. Potion making was more up her alley, though she would never say out loud that she had forgotten how to turn the stove on more than once. She closed the cupboard that was pitifully empty and frowned to herself. Maybe she should of waited for Big Deal to get groceries before she ripped into him like that. 

Flopping down onto the bed and trying to ignore the growing pain of hunger, she chose to ignore the container of strawberries that she had left on the floor after Big Deal had dropped them. She was not going to take the food of the two men who now knew more than they should. She didn’t need to risk being poisoned after the day she’d had so far. 

The TV was playing the rest of the show she had intended to spend the majority of the day focusing on, though she still wasn’t able to pay attention on account of the horrible stomach pains. She could feel herself getting cranky, and without anyone to take it out on it was making her lash out at herself in her own head. She should of made Big Deal cook something before sending him away. The strawberries were very tempting...

She got up and kicked them under the bed.

“Out of sight, out of mind.” She smiled to herself, before a growl from her stomach made her lie down again, curling up as she focused her energy onto concentrating on the TV show. The characters were fighting over a wedding, one saying that it would never work between them and the other making a fuss over their love, before the former eventually sent them away on a bad note. As much as she loved a good argument, this was hitting her a bit too hard for comfort. 

It wasn’t fair that she had to sit here, thinking about it all, when she could just NOT think about it. She had been right! He left! She should be getting ready for whatever happened next, not sitting here wallowing with hunger pains and feeling guilt over a TV show that was just a little too close to reality. She had known this was going to happen, yet she found herself unprepared for it. Maybe she had gotten too comfortable having him around, gotten too use to the soft humming in the background. Even when he wasn’t here he annoyed her. It had to be some sort of accomplishment to actually achieve that level of irritation. Even someone as generally disdainful as her had found him to be more irksome than she had ever known someone to be. It was tiring to have someone on her mind this much, as if he had any right to be making her feel like this. He’d made her... softer. More emotion prone. It was sickening, really. He had even managed to get her to go along with anniversary’s and picnics, and now he was on her mind and making her insides twist in a way that made her want to crawl away from her own thoughts.

Her stomach growled again. Tired, hungry, and more emotional than she’d like to admit, the Witch reached under her bed and felt around for the box of strawberries that she had violently kicked underneath it. They were mushed up, but the chocolate sauce on them made up for that. Sighing in defeat, she picked one up and put it in her mouth. Not that it mattered, and certainly not that she’d ever actually say so to the men who gave them to her, but she had to confess to herself that they were delicious. At least now she had one less thing to think about.

——————————-

Meanwhile, a fair distance away, Big Deal was dreading the idea of facing his mistress again. Mack, as helpful as he usually was, couldn’t calm the stream of incoherent babble that Big Deal was making in an attempt to go back on their agreement.

“Oh no, she’s gonna be so mad, I-I can’t face her, oh this isn’t good, this is a bad, REALLY bad idea, you guys should go before-“

“Big Deal, please calm down,” Mack frowned as he spoke, “I know she’s upset but if you panic it won’t help.”

After a while the only thing that Big Deal could do was make small noises of anxiety filled pain as Beefhouse volunteered to be the one who picked him up by the arms and carry him to their destination. As it turned out, a giant vacuum cleaner in the middle of a jungle was much harder to find when your only guide was too shaken to give any sort of clear or accurate direction. Beefhouse wouldn’t actually say it for fear of making Big Deal more pale than he already was, but it was starting to sink in that he and Mack might of taken on a bit more than they could handle with this one. It was going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, about to right a BW centric chapter: oh boy, time to project!
> 
> Also listen it is my headcanon that BW is only smart-passing...... in actuality she’s a dumbass, she and Big Deal share one brain cell okay? She can’t cook. She doesn’t know how to turn the stove on. That’s why she kept him around originally. That’s my headcanon and you can’t change my mind. Yes that’s apart of the projection leave me alone


End file.
